“The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.”
I cannot grow closer to Him by legalistically being a better man. I must be broken!
So, lately I think I’ve been trying to live in both this world and in God’s world. I try to live under my own authority and His. I try to not sin and I confess constantly my wicked sin. My problem as I am becoming aware, is that as He is magnified, I feel less important. As I acknowledge my NEED for Him, I relinquish any possibility of my own ability to control and better my life.
This place I come to is cyclical to some degree. I do not like this place. I do not like walking around thinking that I need to be glorified or that God isn’t enough, or that maybe I’m not so bad and I am an ok guy and my sins aren’t so bad. I do not like this self defeating place I go and where for so long I lived in utter ruin of myself. This is not where I can receive His love and His grace in the way that produces fruit.
I am a mess. I am a wreck. I am seduced by sin and I confess my weakness and brokenness. I confess my pride and anger towards it and because of it. I accept that I am not able to do this on my own. I accept You Father and I thank You for Your love and Your mercy and for Your grace on the soul of this disaster of man. I praise You and ask that You remove from me this wicked heart. Take from me the thoughts that lead me astray. I know that I will be back on my knees in about 5 seconds and I desire for that to be attractive to me. I desire the truth in who You are and the peace that comes with confessing all and receiving all from You. Take me Father. I am Yours. Lead me onward today and guide my feet to the path that honors Your heart for me. Break me of my prideful ways and give me a meek and humble spirit. Show me how You love that I may learn to live in that light and glory.
Don’t be fooled today in thinking that He isn’t there or that He doesn’t care. He is and He does. This is a relationship. It requires effort on your part. It’s not effort to gain something. It’s in response to it and you won’t get that unless you give it. Get it? Good!